We all want to feel powerful and feel like we have control. Kids are no different! Kids are given so many commands; “Brush your teeth” … “Eat your breakfast”… “Hurry up!” … “Slow down” …   It is no wonder they often feel like they don’t have any control and engage in power struggles.

It is  important that we find ways to help kids feel powerful. One effective way to avoid power struggles and help children feel powerful is by giving choices.

Louis, age 4 found my cell phone and wanted to play with it. After a few minutes of pushing the buttons I told him we had to put the phone away. Of course he didn’t want to. To avoid the power struggle I gave him a choice. It could go in his pocket or my pocket, but it had to stay in a pocket. Of course he opted for his pocket. When he started to take it out of his pocket I quickly reminded him to make a choice. He knew I meant business and agreed to keep it in his pocket. He was proud to be allowed to carry my cell phone and told everyone what he had in his pocket!

What’s important to remember about giving choices is that the choices you give must be OK with you. I was comfortable allowing Louis to keep the phone in his pocket and could give him that as a choice. Make sure that you are comfortable with the choices you offer.