“Mommmmmy! Don’t leave me,” pleads Amy as Mom tries to peel her daughter from her leg.
“Honey, I have to go or I will be late for work,” Mom tries to explain to no avail. Mom, feeling guilty about leaving her unhappy daughter, speeds off to work in an effort to not be late.
Sound familiar? Here are some tips for tearless drop-offs and pick-ups.
Drop-offs
1. Slow down. Being in a hurry creates tension that children can sense. Stressful situations make fertile ground for tears and tantrums.
2. Have your children help you get ready the night before.
3. If your child misses you, give them something of yours they can put in their pocket to help them remember you. Ask them for something of theirs that you have during the day so they can feel valuable to you also.
4. Try not to argue or use force to get your child to get in the car. Use choices, and kind but, firm action instead.
5. Avoid over drawn out, over-comforting good-byes. Be confident that you child will be fine. When parents over-comfort their child, they learn to draw out the good-bye time.
6. Create a fun tradition/routine for good-byes. For example, create a special high five or a hand game. Talk about the sequence of the schedule every morning. For example, “I’ll walk you in, you put up your lunch box, I’ll give you a hug and a kiss, then a high five, and then I leave.” You can also ask them how they want this sequence to go. The more fun and confident you are, the easier your good-bye will be.
7. Make sure that you feel confident about the situation you are leaving your child in. If you are not, your ambivalence will be picked up on your child’s radar screen.
Pick-up
1. Before you arrive, put yourself “in the mood” for picking up your child – clear your mind of work, errands, dinner so you can be totally available to your child. Take three deep relaxing breaths as you walk in the door.
2. Make sure your face lights up when you see them. Take a moment to give your child your undivided attention BEFORE you leave.
3. Look for patterns of what is upsetting your child. Some children have trouble making transitions from one activity to the next. Some children have trouble saying “goodbye.” Others are hungry. It can be difficult for a child to be regulated all day. Figure out the pattern and make a prevention plan. For example, bring a healthy snack if they are hungry.
4. Schedule sanely. Over-scheduling causes tension.
5. If another person is going to pick them up then, tell them who that person is and when you will see them next. This establishes trust.
Drop-offs and pick-ups can be foreboding if you don’t have some tools in your tool bag. No tool works all the time. Centering yourself before the event will help you find a solution no matter how creative your child is!