“Jason, turn off the TV please,” Mom requests nicely.
One minute later, “Jason, I said turn off the TV!” Moms voice tightens.
Two minutes later, “JASON, if you don’t turn off the TV right now you can forget about going to soccer practice,” threatens Mom.
Been there, done that and got the t-shirt! Nagging Fatigue Syndrome (NFS) can strike when you least expect it. You find yourself leaning against the refrigerator, your forehead pressed against the cool freezer and muttering to yourself, “Why doesn’t anyone listen to me!” Nagging is about as smart as taking a bath with a hair dryer. Our children become parent deaf and learn to tune us out at a very young age. They also learn, I don’t have to listen until she screams.
One reason we get into this dilemma is that we think using more force will actually work. This is usually a recipe for failure. Force makes children either compliant or defiant. Neither of which are very appealing. What can we do instead? Here are three alternatives to prevent NFS:
1. Take Action. Actions truly do speak louder than words. Ask yourself, “What action can I take?” instead of talking. Here are some examples:
- Kids fighting at the dinner table. Pick up your plate and have relaxing meal in your bedroom.
- Rolled up smelly socks in the hamper. Only wash socks that are unrolled.
- Kids fighting in the car. Pull over to the side of the road and don’t drive until they are quiet.
- Table not set. Place the food on the table. Announce that dinner is ready, sit down and wait.
- Messy kitchen. Be unwilling to cook in a messy kitchen.
2. Use signals. Say to your child, “I know you must get tired of me nagging at you and I am getting tired of nagging. How about we use a signal? What signal could we use?
Here’s an example from one of our parenting classes. Ann’s daughter, Taylor would often forget to say, “Thank you,” when she left her friend’s house, which usually ended in an embarrassing scene in the doorway. Using the phrase above, Ann and Taylor agreed that Mom would gently touch her daughter’s elbow when she forgot. Problem solved!
3. Use one word. Instead of our usual lengthy and boring discourse, use one word. For example, if your child has left his shoes in the living room, simply say, “shoes.” You may need to say it one or two more times. Make sure you say it in a cool and calm demeanor. For a better effect, say it in a playful tone of voice.
Nagging and yelling disturbs our peace and our relationship with our children. Using these method will help you feel more peaceful and confident. An additional bonus is that your children will be more cooperative!